Dear semi-professional hockey players, upright bass players, skiers,snowboarders, in a few months you lame ass cut off jean short wearing hipster surfer wannabees heading to the rockaways or coney, and extreme couponing mega shopper housewives,
I regret to inform you, on behalf of the rest of the city of new york, that your fucking suburban hobby requires you to own a fucking vehicle.
You really thought you could get through that floor to ceiling turnstyle? You think you should stand in front of the doors so you can prop your gear up against the seats?
"There's no reason to own a car in NYC!" YOU JUST BOUGHT 9 CASES OF CHEEZE ITS! AND YOU PLAY A STRING INSTRUMENT THAT IS EIGHT FEET TALL!
"I cant afford a car in nyc." Then you cant afford to play hockey or surf. You should ask daddy for a raise in your allowance.
I hope a shark eats you/you get buried in an avalanche/you get your neck broken from a cross check/you get speared by the blades of a forklift moving a skid of poptarts/you get stabbed by a violin gang.
Regards,
New York
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